day 17 in chastity. pictured above: me getting ready for a night of barhopping with some friends downtown.
i’m in my third week of chastity now and i think i’m long overdue for an honest reflection. while i do certainly enjoy the changes the cb has brought to my lifestyle, things haven’t been that different since my keyholder locked up my cock. since May i was already following a self-imposed rule of no cumming without another superior sir’s permission. and because i never had the time to meet up with one until the weekends, i got pretty used to not cumming for one week at a time. at one point i went four weeks without cumming because i was unable to meet. if i had regularly jacked off twice a day or even every day, i’m sure wearing this cb6000 would’ve been a lot more difficult.
being used and serving others also doesn’t feel that different. i’ve already been trained to not touch my dick during sex unless i’m told to, so i like to think that i’ve always paid 100% attention to the top’s pleasure. sometimes i think i’m a disappointing sub because i never actually fight back or beg. my keyholder once told me about how the last guy he kept in chastity would always beg to cum, and seeing someone beg like that is probably a huge turn-on for tops. but i can’t imagine myself begging and asking for favors. i already know that it’s not my place to be concerned with my own pleasure and that if a top wants to let me cum, he’ll let me know. (on a related note, a leather top i serve occasionally told me that he was slightly disappointed during our first two sessions because i didn’t put up any kind of fight when he wrestled me to the floor. i didn’t know he wanted me to resist so i acted pretty much like a limp sack both times lol. i don’t really know how to wrestle, but i’ll try next time. it’s hard to not already feel so weak and inferior in the presence of a greater male, but if he wants it, i can’t refuse.)
sleeping has not been an issue. the very first night i constantly woke up in pain and it got to the point where i was nearly in tears, wanting to escape my cock cage but feeling so trapped because i couldn’t. i was very ill-prepared my first day of chastity, but on the second day, i read a lot on proper care, bought some baby oil, and since then i haven’t been having issues. occasionally i wake up with some mild discomfort, but one simple adjustment of position and then i’m back to sleep.
i’m more often aware of my imprisonment during the day. being a trendy cool asian college kid and all on the outside, i wear skinny jeans (as you can see in the photos above). i often feel the pressure of my cock cage pushing against my jeans wherever i go, and i feel so dirty and deviant living my life as a controlled fag around my unsuspecting friends. that smirk you see on my face? it’s not there because of a funny story you’re telling me. it’s there because i can feel my dick straining under the confines of its cage, almost like someone’s hand has got a really tight grip on my dick.
there’s is a slight bulge in my jeans, however. it’s not totally obvious but if you look at it closely enough from the side you’ll see it. i actually wish it was more apparent. i want people to look at it and start to think of me as the slutty whore that i know i am underneath.
i compare my current state to my four weeks of self-imposed chastity often, and i think the major difference between the two is that during those four weeks i still got boners and i spent hours edging myself. obviously i can’t edge myself now, but i still look at porn because i love the feeling of my dick pushing against the walls of my cage. i just get hornier when i reach down thinking i can jack off, but instead i’m reminded that my fag dick doesn’t belong to me anymore. i don’t deserve pleasure unless i’m serving other superior sirs.
while my horniness lingers thanks to the cb, i haven’t been able to get as horny as i used to back when i was able to repeatedly edge myself. it frustrates me that i can’t reach the same level of horniness, but i blame myself for that. i know this means that i still need better training as a pussyboi. as beautifully stated by boisurrendered, i need to dissociate my sexuality from my cocklet and turn my hole into the center of my sexuality. i’ve got fingers, a dildo, and the means of finding plenty of guys who are willing to use my hole, and i need to learn to better use them all. even when i think i’m already very submissive, there are always reminders like this cb6000 telling me that there’s more training ahead in the future.